He was beautiful like the night, but not midnight. He was beautiful like four in the morning, the sliding door opened as you sat there painting a paper umbrella. The air crisp and fresh. Each stroke of the paint brush between your fingers, a strange pleasure that made you sigh with content. He was beautiful like that.
Also, I cared for him. It never occurred to me not to. Caring for him was like walking into an ocean. The waves lapping against you, ever so gently, coaxing you deeper and all of a sudden they snagged your feet. Yanking you down, they pulled you deeper until water washed over your head, drowning you. There was no fighting against a force like that.
I didn’t know, but to Mr.Saki as I smiled, dimples showing, he thought that I was beautiful. I was so beautiful to him, but not as beautiful as painting paper umbrellas at four in the morning through a sliding door. No, my smile was like the freshly fallen snow, yet to be walked in. Pure and innocent, wide and accepting. It waited for the world.
Also, to Mr.Saki I’d be in one hell of a wake up call when I realized that the world was willing to trample through a yard of freshly fallen snow, destroying everything beautiful about it, given half the chance. He knew better than anyone. Of course, I should’ve known as well.
Cause I used to smile like that, until he disappeared.

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Turning my head from the snow covered gate, I looked at him. He was so beautiful, breathtaking. It caught in my throat, he smiled a small twitch of his lips. It felt like so much, yet it was nothing at all. His eyes locked with mine and I felt like I was drowning, being swallowed whole. The ocean's I saw in his eyes were sweeping over me. I choked. His fingers coming out, brushing the side of my eye. He caught a tear. It was pointless. More would come. A river will fall, an ocean would flood. Lakes would be born from my eyes, later.
“You don't have to do this,” He said, his voice this song and in it I heard goodbye. I choked again. I wasn't ready. As slow as the snow fell it felt like it was going too fast, moving at a speed that should have been impossible. More than sixteen minutes had slipped by and I hadn't said anything of importance.
“I'm going to miss you,” I cried, a mutter on my lips. He shook his head and I could see the waves about to wash from him. His eyes were overflowing.
Leaving was always hard for him, but he swore it was done in a mere second. He'd leave this world right as I read this book, pass to another world, and never come back.
“Not as much as I'll miss you,” he spoke as his palm gently pushed against my face. I then grabbed his hand that pressed against my cheek, turning my head slightly to kiss the pale flesh. He was so cold, dead cold. We fell silent and I could feel each snowflake falling in my soul. His eyes crinkled, and he leaned forward, pressing his soft lips to my nose.
“Saki,” I whispered his name. It was time.

I reached up with my free hand, the one not pressing his palm to my face. Desperate to hang onto what was there. I wanted it so bad. The need for him to stay was like iron on my tongue as I bit down, the cry of pain dragging itself up from my throat.
“I'll never see you again.” I choked trying to cling onto his fingers. Like a wisp of smoke his hands escaped out from under mine. He smiled even though his breath of a body was slowly being blown away by the snow. It was like the sun in this scorching hot blizzard that had started.
Cold wind and snow continuously blew everywhere.
Moving as if I were on autopilot, my feet made me run deeper into the white frosted hell. My breath was cold as it left my mouth, but nothing compared to my body, to my soul. This land was frozen, covered in ice, but it might have been spring from how hot it felt compared to my shaking body.
I stumbled, tripping over the white monster. My knees crashed down and landed into the snow. I couldn't make myself stand. I tried, fighting with everything in me to rise from the snow, but nothing worked. My head dropped, my chin touching my chest as sobs wracked my body. It was always like this. How could it be any other way? It was like he had died again.
How many more times would I have to suffer his goodbye? Over and over this torture was punishment to my soul. How could I love someone so much and in the same breath hate them. I hated him so much. It hurt. It hurt as much as loving him. I wrapped my arms around myself. The cold was just a distant memory compared to what was in my soul.