**Original description from August 13, 2022:** _Dwelling an a nest, surrounded by my own despair as the world burns around me, spiraling by my lonesome, my mind a fog. And this this fog of my mind, I wish I felt nothing so things could be easier. Perhaps if my heart turned to stone and I felt nothing at all, things would be better and I could go on living - not to anyone's standards - but to live for the sake of living, if I can live at all... Perhaps my life might improve if I just couldn't care._

**EMO shenanigan deep thoughts aside:** this is actually the first drawing I'm ever submitting to a contest! The prompt/theme of the contest was to sum up your feelings regarding the Covid pandemic and life post-Covid. **I know for a fact I'm going to lose since I never win anything**, and originally I wasn't going to take part in it at all, but with the deadline being a lot closer than I had realized (August 15th) and my recent bout of negative feelings about life in general, I guess that became decent fuel for doing a drawing.

But yeah, I don't expect to win and I suppose this was a bit of a vent piece with about 3 years worth of frustration and longing put into it.

If I win, cool I guess, I think the prize was getting a letter to confirm you win and getting put on the cover of a newsletter - but I never expect to win anything. My expectations are so low, they're in the negatives. If anything, I expect to lose to a toddler or something comedically ridiculous like that. But I mean I drew this thing anyway and I enjoyed making it, so if it fits the theme, might as well submit it and see what happens.

**CURRENT ME IN JUNE 2023:** Every now and then, I look at this piece and I'm both proud of it, and I'm pained by seeing it. As I expected, I didn't win the contest (not that I cared in the first place), but the reason why this piece of art brings me pain is because it constantly reminds me of my emotional turmoil when it comes to trying to present and make a name for myself as either a normal artist, or a disabled artist... It's an incredibly sore subject for me since my art doesn't get many eyes on it in the first place, so being a "normal" artist makes me feel like I'm getting no where, but being a "disabled" artist first and foremost (despite my actual disability), feels like a crutch and feels like I'm only gonna get attention out of pity or "social justice points".

Being an artist online is hard enough these days, and my struggling with what label I should present myself with makes it even harder...

I'll also have to update my signature on this piece, since I still have the raw rile.