I'm in a weird position where I'm surrounded by amazing artists who've made names for themselves in their own respective industries. Some are working on big name video games, others are working on big name comic series, and some are simply amazing tattoo artists in their local communities. It's honestly great seeing these people working on awesome things, especially when some of them are close friends of mine from college. I truly wish all of them the best.

However, being around such artists does lead to the inevitable bouts of self comparison. It happens to all of us eventually, especially when you yourself may not be on the same level as your peers. My friends graduated from college and went on to amazing projects, while I got a sweet gig at a... a grocery store...

This isn't me complaining or being jealous mind you. I'll get somewhere better in my art career when I'm genuinely ready, and I'll continue supporting my friends with an alarming amount of gusto. If I ever was jealous I'm very much over it. I'm old enough, mature enough, and tired enough to not give things like envy any modicum of energy.

I do bring this up because for the longest time I looked at my position in life as unsuccessful, while putting the positions and achievements of my friends up on a pedestal. I mean, how couldn't you? I was stuck stacking apples while they were creating art for a living. They succeeded. They made it. I fumbled. I failed.

I thought this for way too long, and I'm sure some areas in my mind still think this. Nowadays I have a different, hopefully healthier mindset when it comes to things like success. Mainly that things like success are honestly subjective, and that failure isn't that bad of a thing.

What I consider success isn't necessarily what others consider success. You could be professionally doing something you love, but still not be happy. My friend in the games industry has talked to me about the difficulties and stress that have come from working on games, which I wouldn't wish on anyone, and my tattoo artist friends have to deal with some of the worst bosses I've ever heard of. You can be making a ton of money and not be happy. Just look at the owner of the bird site for a good example of that. All of the money in the world can't get you social acceptance or admiration. Even having a good job might not be super fullfilling. I work at a thrift store now, and I absolutely love it. Does it provide the best pay or creative outlet? Not really, but it sure beats that damn grocery store.

Failure, on the other hand, feels like such a boogieman that everyone tries to avoid. However it's really a necessary part of not just the creative process, but also life (wow that sounded pretentious, but who's to say this whole thing isn't relatively pretentious). The only way we learn is from messing up from time to time. We then take notes, iterate, and try again.

I may not be where I want to be in my life and in my art career right now, but I do know that what I want is essentially a request. This request may come one day as I continue improving my own art, or maybe it won't. Regardless I know I'll need to make other requests overtime as what I want changes, and what I want to do becomes more refined. I may not consider myself "successful" any time soon, but that's fine. I'll just doodle and work until I get somewhere that I guess can be "successful."